Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil

     Doubting God’s goodness, distrusting His intent, discontented with what He’s given, we desire . . . I have desired . . . more.  The fullest life.

     I look across farm fields.  The rest of the garden simply isn’t enough. It will never be enough.  God said humanity was not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.  And I moan that God has ripped away what I wanted.  No, what I needed.  Though I can hardly whisper it, I live as though He stole what I consider rightly mine; happiest children, marriage of unending bliss, long content, death-defying days.  I look in the mirror, and if I’m fearlessly blunt – what I have, who I am, where I am, how I am, what I’ve got – this simply isn’t enough.  That forked tongue darts and daily I live the doubt, look at my reflection, and ask: Does God really love me? If He truly, deeply loves me, why does He withhold that which I believe will fully nourish me?  Why do I live in the this sense of rejection, of less than, of pain?  Does He not want me to be happy?

Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts, Chapter 1

 

 

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