Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

As most people know, October is Breast Cancer awareness month. What many do not know is that October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Unfortunately, there is no cure to be found. But those of us who have endured the loss through miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, or early infant death do share something as those experienced with breast cancer patients, and that is that we are all survivors.

In March 2004 I gave birth to a beautiful son, Harvey Richard. I had a normal pregnancy and was dreaming of holding my newborn baby, our third child. I went a little overdue but nothing serious and labor was long (long for me). Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong it seemed. My big boy got stuck on the way out - shoulder dystocia - and when he did get out we found that the cord was wrapped very very tightly around his little neck. Needless to say we spent time in the NICU at the Stollery Children's Hospital in Edmonton, Alberta. After being there for 10 days and realizing Harvey was not going to have a life of any substance we made the decision to take him back home. We brought him and his sisters home to spend his last hours together as a family. He died at 12 days old.

We were incredibly blessed by our "families" - both extended families, our church family and our fire fighting family. They were a huge support to us in so many ways and for a long time but eventually, life goes on for them, even when we wanted life to stop and stay forever in that moment. My arms are empty, but I had to stay busy with two other little ones under 3 years old. There were the daily needs that had to be met. Life looked normal, but in my heart and mind it wasn't. When Harvey left this world and returned to heaven, he took a little piece of each of us with him. We all miss him dearly still, after almost 5 years. Life may go on, but it will never be the same.

We are currently expecting our 6th baby and are so very excited about this new life. But each pregnancy and birth since Harvey's has been a little tainted with worry and concern. Will this one end the same or will we really get to keep this baby too? Yes, we've had two healthy pregnancies, two amazing births and two very vibrant children since Harvey left us, but life is so uncertain now. So very fragile. So very precious.

When a parent loses a child at such an early age, it is hard to know what to say or do. Nobody can feel or understand the pain any more than they can see the wind blow. The pain we feel and the emptiness that has been left in our hearts is real and we are always aware of it. But, we survive. We have to survive, if not for ourselves, than for the other children God has blessed us with in this world. As we continue to live life, day to day, and as the years pass, we find that life does go on; it's different, but it goes on. It gets easier to talk about and easier to think about and a little easier to say his name. The grief and the mourning are still real. The songs still make me cry but God is graceous and loves to bless those that trust in Him! We do survive through Him!

The website www.October15th.com is geared toward awareness, support, and education of pregnancy and infancy loss.

Another organization which supports grieving parents is Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Through NILMDTS, an affiliated volunteer photographer shares time and talent and provides the parents with remembrance photography of their baby who left the earth too soon. Volunteer photographers are needed in this community. For more information about joining their network of photographers, visit the Photographer's Page at www.NILMDTS.org.

If you have experienced such a loss, there is a wonderful support group for moms called Comfort In Heaven. I found a great support there and still visit from time to time. I encourage you to stop by and either receive or give your support. In my journey I found many many groups where the focus was so much on the negative of the loss and not focused on the fact that our little one was in heaven with Jesus. I found that at most of these forums and email groups that I was getting more and more depressed and more and more wrapped up in my grief and sorrow. That wasn't good for my family or my other children. When I found Comfort in Heaven, I found what I was looking for! A place of hope. A place to grief and yet a place to see that life does go on and it's okay to have life go on. Don't go through your pain alone!