How do you know you are done? Who decides? Once decided, what changes take place? What if you want to change your decision? Doesn't that open a whole new can of worms?
I think our families have come to expect that we are just going to keep having babies until I'm like 50 or something. I thought so too. Maybe it's just the lack of sleep, or the busy-ness of my home, but I'm not itchin' for another baby. In fact, I've never before wished for one of my babies to grow up faster than they are. And they grow fast enough, don't you think?
When Wyatt was pushing 6 months old, I was pushin' J to get me pregnant again. He was saying wait, wait. Get back to a healthier weight. I'm so glad God decided to wait to bless us with Baby R. I'm tired.
Baby R is not really a demanding baby, but she does love to be held and is up in the night quite a bit. And she's so darling and a joy most of the time. So it's not like we've been blessed with a tough baby. So why do I "feel" like we are done? Is it a passing phase and I'll be beggin' for another in a week or two? Do we really trust feelings? They do change like the weather, so maybe not the best thing to base a decision on.
Is the reason social? We are, I think, the biggest family that attends our church and the biggest of the fire department members. But I don't get negative pressure from anyone in either circle. Our children are well-liked and well-cared for by both groups. I don't think it is social.
Am I allowed to just be "done"?
Then I think, "poor W will be the only boy." Well, that's no reason to have another! We'd probably get another girl!
Usually by this time (Baby R is close to 6 months), I'm talking like this: "if I get pregnant now, Baby R will be x age when the new baby arrives. I can handle that; and they'd play so well together. You change one diaper, thenchange another; no biggie."
My feeling is not based on fear either. I have great pregnancies and deliveries. The last two were born at home, and came so quickly our midwife didn't make it. (Weather was an issue both times.)
I am seeing my life without someone nursing, without changing diapers, without potty training. I see a different season of our life approaching. I guess I could be wrong and it could just be wishful thinking. Oh don't get me wrong, if we were blessed with another, I'd be overjoyed; I'm willing to keep having babies. But. (And there is always a but, isn't there?) This new season I see, it sure looks nice. Not easier, because there will still be laundry and dishes and meals and all sorts of new issues to deal with, but different. If I had my way, my desire, right now, at this point, in my world, I would be very content with the little blessings we have running around messing up my tidying up.
Just my thoughts.
1 comment:
I am feeling very much done having babies, but I'm also much older than you are (will be 45 this year). I thought I was done after #2, and then our little Nicholas surprised us! DH had the "snip" when I was pregnant, so no more babies here. I am loving my little snuggly 2-year-old, and I will be sad to give up nursing later this year. But on the other hand, I will also have been nursing or pregnant nonstop since I was 38!! (I nursed my middle son until he was almost 3, and then stopped when I got pregnant with my youngest.) So it will be time. But I can definitely relate to your ambivalence.
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