I have the author’s permission to re-post the following thoughts here on my blog. You can find the original post here. (Warning: BLOG TITLE is offensive and some of the other content is not acceptable for all viewers. Enter at your own risk. That’s part of the reason I decided to post it here, for my readers.)
This is an issue that is really starting to bother me. In church this morning, there were a number girls who were not dressed properly, in my opinion. Their skirts / dresses were too short; their tops showed off too much. Their pants were too tight. My young daughters look up to these teen and tween girls and want to follow their example. I hate having to fight not only against society but also against the "norm" in our church.
I'm not saying I want our girls to look dowdy or ugly. I want them to dress nicely, adequately covered without having their clothing tight fitting. There are nice modest clothing out there. I find acceptable items for my girls are Wal-Mart and second hand stores all the time.
What is unacceptable in my opinion:
- spaghetti straps, but they are allowed at my discretion (provided the dress / shirt itself covers most of the chest and back.)
- short shorts
- skirts more than a couple inches above the knee
- low-cut tops
- backless or almost backless shirts
- low-rise (super low rise) pants
- tube-tops
- tops that show your bra or straps (such as in the case of spaghetti straps) I qualify this one because I have a couple of bras that have straps that run very close to my neck; I'd have to almost wear a turtle neck or mock turtle neck shirt to cover them.
- tops or bottoms that are tight enough to show every curve, underwear lines, etc.
I have more than one reason for this rant today! One I have daughters. And two I have sons who will grow up and have to deal with this issue. Thirdly, these girls in church that are wearing this inappropriate clothing are the daughters of leaders in our church.
My question to them is: What is your purpose in wearing such items? Does it bring glory to God? Does it attract the attention of the boys and the men? Is that what we are supposed to be doing?
How do you approach this issue? With the parents? The youth leaders? The pastor and/or his wife? The individual girl?
For me, I think to start I'm going to bring the issue up with our pastor's wife and see how she would suggest handling the situation. I'm also going to ask her if she thinks I'm over reacting. I could be.
What's considered modest in your home? How do you (would you) handle the immodesty of others in your church / community group?
Until next time,
The Lovely Lioness
I shared the link of Facebook and got a couple of comments. I wanted to continue writing my thoughts on the subject here.
It is great that they are in church, but once there I think we need to start teaching them these principles and traits. I certainly don't want my daughters causing others to sin by what they wear.
And like the author said, we have to fight this in the world, why do we have to fight it in the church too? Christians are not supposed to be of this world, so why are we dressing like the world???
No I'm not advocating "dresses only" or head coverings or such things, but at least lets be covered appropriately. If the clothing worn is not appropriate "office wear" (Because even office workers have dress codes) then I don't think it should be worn to church.
Another commenter on Facebook (not on my “share” but on the “share” I got it from) said that the author made it sound like the girls were doing it on purpose, that the author made it sound as if she were labelling the girls as sluts. The commenter said that this is not always the case. It starts innocently – girls look for what is “in” to wear; they look to dress up for church. And I agree, not all the girls that dress inappropriately are dressing to get the attention of the boys, but the attention comes whether they want it or not. This doesn’t help the slippery slope. They dress in a way they feel is attractive. The boys give them attention. So they continue to dress that way. They get the attention from the boys and more.
I believe it is our jobs as parents, friends, and fellow Christians to teach them a better way to dress. We need to (by our example and our words) teach them to dress appropriately, femininely, and modestly. This topic is not covered adequately in my opinion. Growing up I never understood how what I wore affected the boys around me. I was just told, “Don’t do it” with no explanation. I LOVED the attention and I was flattered that they wanted me, but I didn’t know how deep it went. I didn’t know how much it affected some of them. And I dressed more modestly than a lot of the teen girls I know. My jeans were tight, but I never showed bra straps; my skirts were always to the knee or longer.
Since I’ve been married, I’ve educated myself on the topic. In a desire to please and serve and dress for my husband and not for other men, I wanted to know more. I wanted to know how men view women. I read such books as Debi Pearl’s Created To Be His Help Meet and Shaunti Feldhahn’s For Women Only and Helen Andelin’s Fascinating Womanhood and Laura Schlessinger’s The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands (which I want to read again, soon). On the specific topic of how men see / view women and how our clothing (or lack thereof) affect them, I found For Women Only to be the most helpful.
I am “stewing” over this topic and have been for a while now. The post I read earlier and reposted above only added to that “stewing”. Expect more posts to come on this topic.
Striving to learn and live God's purposes,
4 comments:
I love when you are on a topic like this because I learn so much from you.
Teaching my girls about modesty, and the boys actually, has been on my mind also and I can't wait to read more about this and how to talk to the kids about it in the future.
On a personal note, it can be very hard to find clothing that is both attractive and modest that fits. I've struggled with this in the past and would love to find somewhere to shop that would help in this manner.
There are certainly outfits out there that make my eyes spread wide, my jaw drop and make me think "seriously!" It might be nice if at times individuals would put more consideration into what they wear but are we really going to church to judge a book by its cover, isn't there more important things to focus on? If a homeless man came into your church with tattered clothing and terrible hygiene would you welcome him or sit and think to yourself that is inappropriate. Would you be disgusted at the fact that he was setting a bad example for your children by not bathing and not providing a better life for himself. I think it would certainly be nice if people put a little.more thought into their attire, but aren't you just happy to see them. Why would we not trust in our abilities to teach our children what we believe to be inappropriate and appropriate. I think the more important thing would be to teach the message that when we truly have God in our hearts we should want to live to the glory of God and that we might want to consider doing so in every aspect of our lives including appearance and let each decide that for themselves
I myself am a full-time covering Christian. I wear ankle length jumpers and the style of Muslim hijab known as an al-amira, which is sort of like a tube head scarf that covers your whole head, leaving only the face visible. I attend a great church, however, every Sunday, I see the pastor's wife and daughters sitting in the first row in jeans that emphasize their bottoms, short skirts or shorts (not short shorts, just shorts), tops that show their bras (as in you can see them through the top) or the bra straps. I see other people wearing what I consider to be inappropriate clothing as well. However, I feel that it is the individual's calling as to whether they will dress like me (I am the only one who covers in my church) or otherwise. I do not make any comments on anyone's dress (ok, I comment on it to my husband). I have hopes that God will show them through me and my style of dress that which is more appropriate wear. I searched long (we are talking 10 plus years) for a church that I truly felt at home in, so I don't allow the dress code issue to bother me. They all completely accept me as I dress without looking at me like I am a "weirdo".
For sure the girls need to be taught to dress properly as to honor God. But have you noticed that there are also married women in the church wearing mini skirts topped off with a tight cleavage showing shirt? That's what truly disgusts me. The way we dress directly influences men of all ages. I think there is nothing wrong with teaching modesty but I don't think it's our responsibility to approach other parents.
I know you'll do the best with your girls.
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