Today, at church, there was a prayer request about a job that J has been waiting for. He has wanted to become a peace officer for a long time. We were never sure when a position would become available. In a few weeks there are two positions going to be available in a neighboring county. And maybe more in our county. The prayer request - that God would bring godly men to these positions. The cool thing is that earlier this week, J called this peace officer to chat. There was no answer so J left him a message to call, but he never got the message. J wanted to ask him to pray with him about the job - that if God wanted J to have the job that they would both be lead in that direction, that they would both get a YES from God that this was the way to move forward. It's hard to say that this is a coincidence; I am thinking it's an open door. But the "downer" side of me (which is often the predominate side of me) says, "whatever, it's just another closed door that just looks open." I want to be excited and I really am, but . . . .
Then secondly, the service today was about how much God had to give up to send His Son to be our Savior and how He must have felt to have him die. We've always made a lot of parallels between our loss of Harvey and Jesus coming to save us. Now, saying it like that sounds really bad and I can't even defend myself because my mind is muddled with grief today and I can't think of the connections we've made in the past. Let's just suffice it to say that today is a hard day for me and for J. I can't shake it; I've been muddled all afternoon.
Striving to learn and live God's purposes,
4 comments:
I am sorry that today has been hard for both you and J.
I really hope J gets the peace officer job......I know how much your family needs that.
love ya
Mar
About your thoughts on Harvey & Jesus: As you know, our family also lost a child. We didn't know it at the time we picked the name, but "Nathan" means "gift of God." Of course we wish that Nathan were still with us, but since his passing we have been through quite a refining furnace, so to speak, and our family now, especially in terms of my relationship with my husband, is much stronger than I could ever have expected. In some ways, I feel that perhaps that was Nathan's job in this life, to die for us to bring us closer together as a family, to save our family. I share this because I want you to know you're not the only one who's had thoughts of that sort relevant to the loss of a child. We believe in eternal families, and I believe that "lost" children are not really lost, just saved for another time.
My thoughts and prayers are with you on this day and all the grief that it brings as you remember. God is good even though we have ahard time understanding why he allows what he does. I hope J gets his desire for this job. We love u.
XOXOXO, that's all I got.
Post a Comment