To Strap Up or Not . . .

I have had some pretty controversial posts in the past year.  Not a lot but a few here and there.  I think one of the most controversial were the ones on modesty.  The topic I am writing about today could be considered controversial as well – bras: to wear or not to wear.

 

Why do you wear a bra?  Because society tells you that you need to?  How long have bras really been around?  What did women do before bras or other such devices?

 

I don’t have all the answers but I have been doing a little bit of research on going bra-less (wearing less often) or bra-free versus wearing a bra all the time.  Here are some of the sites I’ve read: (None of the sites listed here are pornographic, but are “breast friendly” – meaning nursing babies and such are shown)

1. Breasts are natural.  Bras are not.
2. BraFree.org
3. Going Braless
4. Why Do Women Wear Bras?  very very informative, with resources sited / linked
5. The “Purpose” of the Bra very very long, but lots of good information
6. Bra Burners Take Two I have done as this writer did.  Turned in my normal bra for a sports bra for ease of nursing.
7. goingbraless.net is the forum.  I am doing some reading there and learning more tricks and tips and suggestions.

 

Am I going 100% brafree?  I’m not going to tell, because that’s MY business and my decision (and Jason’s too, I guess).  I wanted to share my research with my readers because I found the topic very interesting. 

 

We are a society of followers.  I like to be different.  (Or, rather, I’m learning to like being different.)

 

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

What I Learned This Week

I like serving others. I like people. I like having people comfortable in my home. I like visiting. I had a good week of company this week - both in and out of our home. And I hope to do similar this week.


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

What I Learned This Week.

I realized again this week, that we will not be on this earth forever. I learned the importance of family; I realized how important my mom's 50th birthday party was for my siblings, for me and for our parents. I learned this week, again, that a life can end unexpectedly, suddenly, and over something that for the most part is small. On Sunday, my uncle died; he had pneumonia.

Uncle R was my dad's oldest brother. He married late in life; late enough that I remember. He waited a long time (at least to my memory) for my aunt B. When he married her, he had an "instant family" as she had two boys. I gained two cousins. I can't say that I got to know them very well. We moved around a lot and when we finally "settled down" for a few years, it was far far away from both extended families. But I have some specific memories of Uncle R. Memories I will cherish now more than ever.

My sadness is not for Uncle R. I believe he's in a better place; he's sharing some time with my son, whom he didn't get to meet here and with his mom! Instead, my sadness is for Aunt B and the boys. My sadness is for my dad and the other siblings. Besides a baby sibling that died in infancy, he is the first of them to leave this world. My sadness is deepened for them in that it feels that they just barely lost their mother very suddenly. Grandma died in 2005.

I learned, this week, that J and I really really need to use this time that he is off work to love on our kids, to build bridges and tie heartstrings. We need to grow those relationships. I learned this week that we have been given a great opportunity that not many get (or take) and we need to embrace it and run with it. And it is not just at this time either; it's all the time. Life is too short. Our children are growing so fast; and we are getting older too.

Proverbs 16:9 -
A man’s heart plans his way,
But the LORD directs his steps.

To those of you who loved Uncle R, who knew him better than I, to those who miss him oh so much, our prayers and our thoughts are with you this week and in the months to come. Words are not enough. J and I know that, more than some. I am so sorry for your loss and I wish I could take your pain away. (And then I second guess, was that the right thing to say???) We love you, and we loved him.


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

What I Learned This Week.

1. Get all the information before you speak, even (or especially) if that speaking is on Twitter and Facebook.

2. Real friends are so very important in my life.

3. I am a very selfish and angry person. I need to and am working on changing. It is a daily, moment by moment battle.

4. I wouldn't have the friends I have today without the internet, but my IRL family (and friends) need to come before (or rather in balance with) my "virtual life". That's not to say that you "virtual friends" aren't as important or aren't real people. Rather, there are very few people in real life that I speak with every day, so you might be seeing a little less of me online. Oh but mostly it was that nasty addicting app called Farm Town, which as of this evening has vanished from the face of the planet that we call Facebook. And I am sooooooo sad. Anyway, moving on.

5. I expect much less of my current 2 year old boy and almost four year old girl than I did of my now 6 and 7 year old girls when they were those ages. Lil M is whiny and lazy in comparison. And that Cutie Boy gets away with WAY TOO MUCH, just because he is so very extremely cute. And not due to the fact that he's the only little boy in this house of girls. Needless to say, there are some changes coming for Little M and W in the next little while.

6. DH and I make a freat team; okay, I already knew this too, just realized it again.

7. I can keep a secret from my kids! They still don't know their grandparents are coming this weekend. I've known for awhile and I didn't tell them. Go me!

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

What I Learned This Week.

With a plan, I can do anything. Finances. Cleaning. Meals. Exercise. How about you? Do you have a plan?


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

What I Learned This Week.

I learned that my dear husband is capable of change. I love the changes I see in him lately. He is becoming even more wonderful and more fun. He is becoming a better leader (at home and with the fire fighters), a better partner and a better dad.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

What I Learned This Week.

Author's Note: Another long post. I used to only write really short posts. I hope my readers don't mind. lol. But then again, it's my blog. I write what I write and I'm not usually hurt, if you don't read. lol. If I blog without obligation, I guess I need to allow you to read without obligation!




After my online friend Am of Come Here Little Bug read through my blog the other day, I had a conversation with her via instant messenger. I learned a lot about me and about how some may view my blog. I’m still processing. Here’s a lot of the conversation:

A.S.: you know girlie ya gotta give yourself props...because even though you may be frustrated and feel like your sinking...and rightfully so, i think that you are doing better at handling things then most. there are things on your blog you post about and i think that i know i couldn't deal with

Me: really? it's just life. it's my life and I feel like my blog has been really whiny lately. do you get a negative feel? I don't wanna be all negative.

A.S.: i don't think i would call it negative. i think you're really hard on yourself

Me: i am at times.

A.S.: im reading your post on CONTROL and i really think you threw yourself under the bus

Me: going to read it again.

(yes, I needed to go back and re-read what I wrote, because I didn’t remember.)

Me: back. that's just real. what I'm feeling and thinking. I still feel that way. that post.

A.S.: that posts makes me sad

Me: tell me why.

A.S.: do you think you may have some post-pardum depression

Me: yes.

(Short break in the convo for me to go make coffee)

Me: now tell me more of your thoughts. I've had the ppd mentioned a couple of times. and I'm trying to get on top of it with nutrition, sleep and water and such.

A.S.: is medicating an option?

Me: not at this point. J and I both feel it is controllable right now. I've spoken with a midwife (she’s still in training, but someone I respect who has done tonnes of research) about it and she agreed.

A.S.: have you considered just natural every day vitamins, like b-complex and st johns wart?

Me: ugh. yes. i need to get back on taking B and getting outside to get D. i have them in the cupboard. I just forget. Going to take them now.

(yep, another break to take vitamins)

A.S.: st johns is supposed to be good for the mood. lemme know when your back i'll tell ya what ive been thinking

Me: k, go

A.S.: you take too much blame!

Me: k

A.S.: not everything is your fault

Me: nope. i agree. but i can only change me.

A.S.: resentment and anger can be related to the depression and feeling overwhelmed and you need support and encouragement not to feel down on yourself

Me: yes

A.S.: i hope that J has tried to encourage your not to feel that way

Me: yes. he is extremely supportive. he helps out with the housework and the kids.

A.S.: do either of you have parents close by?

Me: no. but what are you thinking? Mine are 8 hours away and his are 4 full days of driving.

A.S.: i think that you could greatly benefit from someone coming to spend a couple days or a week or some of the kids going to spend a week and just giving you some true RELIEF, giving you time to catch up on things, giving you time to find LaDonna. no expectations. my child usually goes to my moms one day on the weekend and i need that day desperately

Me: i've been thinking along those lines as well. I'm nervous to do it. (This would be a huge step for me and for J. We love to have our kids close. So very rarely do they go anywhere else. We will leave them for the day somewhere or get a sitter for the evening, but I can probably count on one hand the times they’ve been away over night.)

A.S.: i really believe you need to do it. maybe develop a better system with things around the house. not feeling so down on yourself when things don't get done. don't get me wrong, i feel disappointed in myself at times when things fall way behind, but there are times when i have to remind myself...it doesn't matter...if it didn't get done today it will still be there tomorrow and my life or self-worth isn't measured by that. i think if things feel like less of chore...when you don't feel like its something you HAVE to do but something you WANT to do, its much easier

Me: for sure. today I wanted to get things done. wasn't a chore and I've done 5 loads of laundry. It is an attitude. but sometimes it is more than that - the ppd.

A.S.: is there some chores you could divide up with the kids. like sorting laundry. if it's hard for them to figure it out, post colors on the wall like. red, blue, green black. they have to put all the clothes that are that color in front of that sign. anything white, beige, grey can go in front of another sign

Me: lol. we used to, sometimes do that kind of thing. i never thought about the colors on the wall though! good idea.

A.S.: instead of you being responsible for all of the dishes at the end of a meal everyone who is capable is responsible for their personal, fork spoon bowl etc. and that only leaves mom with pans, her plate and stuff the babies

Me: the kids totally clear and stack everything. i only have to do the dishes, not the clearing or wiping or scraping.

A.S.: if they have a hard time folding laundry, maybe hangers would be an option

Me: i fold, they put away. i only put away baby's (sometimes), and mine. J does his.

A.S.: well i hate folding LOL

Me: I do all these things. OR rather, when I do them, I don't feel like I have been feeling. I've been letting the kids play or watch tv too much.

A.S.: i just think if you can find ways to cut corners and still have things get done it would help...just like i mention with the hangers

A.S.: you can have the cleanest house in Canada and if you're down on yourself it isn't going to matter

Me: yes

A.S.: and it doesn't matter how messy your house is if you don't let it get ya down

Me: well. . . . there is a point. Lol. but mine isn't to that point.

A.S.: you know what i mean...those things shouldn't define us

Me: yes. ok, time to make supper. thank you for your thoughts.

A.S.: what can i say im over opinionated lol

Me: lol

So, what did I learn?

• At times, I am my own worst enemy.
  
• My dh and my friends think alike, because he tells me a lot of the same things that Am did!
• I need to parent continuously.
• Maybe I need a break, a real break.
• Maybe I just need to use the tools and the skills that I have.
• I can be hard on myself.
• I need to remember to take care of myself, because if I don’t, I can’t take care of those given to me.
• Life has piled up on me. I’m not giving things back to God and instead I worry and I fume. (Yep, taking the “blame” again, but it’s something I struggle with, and so I mention it.)

Do I agree with everything Am said? Nope. Does that hurt her feelings? I doubt it. She cares. She felt heard. I didn’t just brush her off. I needed to hear what she had to say. Now I process. And I come out of this a better, more in control person. A better wife and mom and daughter and friend.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

What I Learned This Week.

Well, lessons are always being learned of course, but for the life of me, I can't think of what I learned. So, I'll have to give it some thought.

. . . think . . . think . . . think . . .

1. Canada Post really is snail mail!

2. My girls are silly; it is 1.5 hours after bedtime and they just marched up the stairs with leotards on their heads complaining that it is too light to sleep!

3. The government is even slower than snail mail.

4. I am amazed at how little we can live on. At this moment we have budgeted 150 a week for groceries for our family of 7, but the children are quite little. Before we had a written plan, we were spending double that and more a week. Now the 150 is really tight; too tight. We've had a little help here and there, but I believe that we could do 200 quite easily. We'll have to see if we can switch some things around to make that work.

5. "Every dollar needs a name" is a common phrase in this house. Without a name, the dollars just disappear and I don't know where.

6. I like my job again. I think it is spring that is causing this new energy I've found. (My job? Staying home and taking care of this crew and the house.) And I'm glad; I can't really quit so liking it is kinda a good thing.

7. The fire department really is a family. We help each other.

For more lessons learned, check out Musings of a Housewife.

What I Learned This Week.

1. My headaches are cyclical; about every 4 weeks. I don't know which I hate more - Aunt Flow or Mrs. Shut-Up-You-Guys-My-Head-Hurts. I guess it could be worse; I could get both. Due to my hungry nursing baby and her age, Aunt Flow's visit has been postponed; or else I'm pregnant again. (Oh boy!) Hahaha
2. Oh and the hormonal aspect is only part of the headaches; there is also teeth issues (making some phone calls this week to get that dealt with), dehydration (that love of coffee may not be helping my situation), the weather (it was rainy and that seems to do it, too), and lack of sleep (Baby R and Little W have been sick and up a lot in the night).
   
3. One thing in + one or more things out = a cleaner home.
4. Oh and this equation: work before play + no computer before noon = greater peace in the home.
5. Reach out to those who love you; you'll not regret it.
6. Blogging became a chore until I decided to let loose and actually share my heart. Now it's an outlet!
7. We may get a lot of furniture in and out and through this house, but we always seem to trade up. If I get a chance to post a picture of the sectional I will.

Find out what others learned, by vising Jo-Lynne at Musings of a Housewife.

What I Learned This Week.

Grief is cyclical and everyone deals or doesn't deal in different ways.

My son has a great imagination and loves to be outside.

Lack of sleep doesn't help a depressed state, but only makes it worse.

God provides. (After posting - or during - about being overwhelmed, God gave us a little unexpected extra.)

Spring does eventually come! And the mud is here in all it's glory. The bikes are out and . . . . SPRING!

Okay, I have a very hard time living without coffee and chocolate. I take back what I said a couple weeks ago. I guess it's a matter of moderation.

For more lessons learned, check out Musings of a Housewife.

What I Learned This Week.

I'm sure I learned something this week.

The webcam makes me a little self-conscious. You are more careful about what you do. You can't pick your nose when the webcam is running. And you have to make sure you are fully clothed. And nursing, is just like nursing in public, you can't just whip it out, you gotta be covered. It's very different than being on the phone. People can see you. Even if you can't see them because Firefox is running in front of ooVoo or skype.

My oldest two are reading everything! I learned that learning happens even when I don't sit down and make it happen. In fact, it probably happens quicker and easier without my interference sometimes. We had a trip to the neighboring town's public library for a homeschool activity and we got a bunch of books that are beginning reading books. And some board books. Our library is small, but we are a small town and that's expected. (I love our library and the ladies that work there are incredible.) This library though is in a bigger town and as more immediate hands-on-look-at-me books. It was very nice to visit there again. (We used to live in the neighboring community and would go to the library regularly just like we do here.)

I learned that my girls can grasp difficult concepts quite quickly. The homeschool activity that we went to was a Science in a Crate activity called Wading through Wetlands. Being that the activity was for a grade 5 level and my children are all under the age of 8 I was surprised at my girls' interest and understanding. Of course, they were "done" before we were done going through all the stations, but they did well.

I hate when the television stations change things up. I don't watch my program if it's not on it's normal night. I missed most of Survivor because it was on Wednesday. I just couldn't get into it.

So that's just a few things I learned this last week. What did you learn? Go over to Musings of a Housewife for more lessons learned.

What I Learned This Week.

I learned that (remembered that) today is my birthday!

I learned that sometimes babies just need to cry. Not little little babies. And then they need to be held. And that's okay. Sometimes I need that too.

I learned that when I start to get irritated at silly things that I have a headache coming on.

I learned that my kids love love love listening to books on tape/cd/whatever.

I learned (re-learned) that I love to blog! I need to make and carve out time for it.

I learned that I am loved by my church community.

I learned that I can get sick of chocolate and coffee.

I learned that I need structure and routine or I don't do well.

I learned that just because you get caught up on the laundry, doesn't mean you can stop. It means if you do stop you get behind again!

Come check out the other lessons learned at Musings of a Housewife.

What I Learned This Week.

I've learned / realized this week that the grief process, is a process. Grief can sneak up on you. It can surprise you. Also, grief doesn't come when you expect it. You can't force yourself to grieve. Everyone grieves differently too. I like to have my friends around on anniversary days. My dh wants life just to go on as if nothing happened; not that he wants to pretend it never happened, just doesn't want anyone to dwell openly on it.

I've heard it said that grief is a seven year process. (Click here for one forum I read. I've been thinking more and more about that seven year thing, but more on that another time.) When we were moving toward the month of March and my grief was overwhelming again, I told a friend that I didn't believe that it ever got easier, that it would never hurt less. However, I was wrong. Each anniversary of Harvey's birth and death does get easier to handle; easier to deal with the emotions.

When I was in college I studied grief and how children respond to loss. I studied Kubler-Ross' model. And now having gone through a loss I agree, mostly. The understanding I get is that once you get to acceptance, you are done! woohoo! right?

nope! wrong! Grief and mourning are more cyclical than that. I've learned that even though I've accepted the pain and hurt can and does come back; sometimes often. The stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I think that those items in that order are the initial responses to grief, but after you've reached that acceptance point it is very possible, likely even, to return to the stages of anger and depression. In my situation, I would seriously not be doing well if I returned to denial and bargaining. My son is dead; there's no denying it. Five years later, there is no bargaining for his life. But . . . I do get angry. I do get sad and depressed. Overall, there is acceptance and I am learning to filter the other feelings through that acceptance.

That's what I learned / re-learned this week. For more learning, check out Musings of a Housewife.

What I Learned This Week.

I learned that my baby R (4 months old) likes to sleep in the stroller. We even drive it around the house to get her to go and stay asleep.

For more lessons learned, visit Musings of a Housewife.

What I Learned This Week.

I learned (re-learned) that when my house is a disaster and I can't get on top of the mess that I am depressed. The house does not trigger the depression. The house becomes and stays a mess because I am depressed. I lived in denial for a while this last couple of months, telling myself that I was not depressed yet, and that my messy house was going to trigger a depression, so I'd better get on top of the disaster. I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. Then a week ago it hit both J and I that we were both quite depressed. Acknowledging that has already changed the state of our mess and the things that we are getting done.

Visit Musings Of A Housewife for more.