My Hubby Is…

 

I’ve been struggling.  It’s been a tough fall.  Transition for me is always tough; I’ve learned to adapt in a lot of cases, but this fall… I dunno. It’s been hard.  And I knew it was coming.  I was expecting it.  I knew mid-summer that my dh was going to have a new job come September.

 

I am a student of biblical submission.  (You’ll see the connection eventually, I hope.)  I read books on the topic often.  One book that I read years ago is Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl.  It changed my marriage.  I was not surprised by that; most of the books that I read on the topic affect my marriage for the better.

 

Today I was not a very good helpmeet and my dh was not a very good leader and protector.  We had a HUGE fight.  But things are good now.  Sometimes a marriage just needs that reset button, kwim?

 

Through our troubles today, I learned something, something I should have known and seen.

 

Debi Pearl talks about three very general categories of men – Mr. Command, Mr. Visionary and Mr. Steady.  When I read her book years ago, I came away with the belief that my husband was a Mr. Visionary (gifted, inventors, artists, lovers of confrontation, starter of projects but never a finisher) with a side of Mr. Command.  Today I realized that my husband is almost 100% Mr. Command.

 

Here is a little something I wrote up, based on a portion of Chapter 8 in Mrs. Pearl’s book, the Mr. Command portion.

 

1. My DH often ends up in positions where he commands or directs others.  There are times when my DH will come home from the fire hall (either after practice or after a call) and tell how he got the ball rolling, how even though this person or that was “in charge” it was him who got the team moving in the right direction.
2. My DH is (on the surface) deficit in gentleness.  He has the biggest heart under all his gruffness.  He has all sorts of “tactics” to hide his gentleness – humor and teasing, and sarcasm are just some examples.
3. My DH is a born leader.  I wish he saw this more and accepted the role he’s been given.
4. My DH will do more than is required – at work, and other places too.  This isn’t evident right now.  He’s hurting and run-down.  He’s putting out all he can and although he wants to do more, he is great at recognizing when he’s tapped out.
5. My DH expects his wife to wait on him hand and foot much of the time.  He claims to want to take care of himself, because he sees how busy I am with all our little ones.  One thing he almost NEVER does for himself is make his own coffee, or mine.
6. My DH does not want his wife involved in anything that would prevent her from serving him.  I think this is the BIGGEST thing, especially right now.  If he’s home, he wants me home.  If he’s at work and it’s possible for me to be there with him (which it often is) he would love for his family to be there with him.  He is totally okay with my friends and activities happening at my home, but really struggles with me being away from home and therefore unavailable to him.
7. My DH has little tolerance and will just walk away from a situation that is frustrating to him.
8. My DH is not quick to share personal feelings – “good” or “bad”.  I have learned to listen for these and to find them hidden in what he does say.  I’m not very good at it though.  lol.
9. My DH expects his wife to be on call every minute of every day.  He wants to know where she is, what she is doing and why.  This one goes hand in hand with number 6.
10. My DH is often leading people whether they want him to and whether HE wants to or not.  It is his nature to direct people.
11. My DH sees the big picture and strives to help the largest number possible.  He expects his wife to remember the little details about people and places and things.  This is one of the things I’ve been fighting against lately.  I wanted to make him do these things and remember these things himself.
12. My DH will not take out the trash (a funny example story the author tells about her own Mr. Command) but he will command and direct others to do so.  My DH won’t do the dishes either, but he knows how it should be done and is very quick to direct the completion of the job.
13. My DH is always talking about his plans, ideas and finished (or unfinished) projects.  I tire of this so quickly because I never seen any progress, especially on my house!  I want a KITCHEN!  I need my roof FINISHED!!!
14. My DH is is objective, unemotional (most of the time) and HATES small talk.  This particular item causes people to think my DH is rude and unfriendly, I think.  I think that sometimes.
15. My DH is at a loss when dealing with the sick, the helpless and the dying.  This is most evident with his fire fighting.  He is SOOOO thankful for the fire chaplain to deal with the people – whether it's the victim or the victim’s family.  When he’s on scene, he’s there to do a job and get it done, and that doesn’t involve talking to or about or with anybody not under his “command”.

 

I hesitate to post this to my blog.  I feel this post has a negative slant or tint to it.  I am really struggling with who my DH is.  I guess I’m just being honest with my readers and with myself.

 

I think many Mr. Command’s are misunderstood.  I know my Mr. Command is in many situations.  I am guilty of misunderstanding him on a regular basis.

 

Tonight I am choosing to turn his “negative” traits into positives – to see the positives in each one of those tough things above.  I am choosing to work with WHO he IS, and not who I thought he was, or who I want want him to be.  Mrs. Pearl talks about how hard and yet how rewarding being the wife of a Mr. Command can be.  There has been times in our marriage that I have seen the reward, after working through the hard times.  I am working toward seeing those rewards again.

 

As I said to my friend today, even just knowing and understanding who my dh is and some of his general tendencies, just reading those few paragraphs, helps me get a grasp on how to make my marriage work.  Understanding who he is helps to make the transitions (when we are both out of sorts, and so are all the kids) easier; it will make everything move smoothly.

 

I’m not going to change who I am; I don’t believe that I really can.  I’m not going to put my needs and wants and personality in a can and tromp on it.  And I won’t let him do that either.  I don’t believe it that.  What I do believe in is treating each other with respect and care.  Reading Created To Be His Helpmeet and re-reading this section has helped me to know how best to show my DH the respect and care that he needs.

 

It’s a journey – this thing called marriage.

 

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Just for Fun! Pregnant and Nursing Edition

 

Facts:

• Jason and I have been married for about 10.5 years equalling 128 months.
• We have 7 biological children, 6 of which have been entrusted to us to raise into adulthood, Lord willing.
• I have nursed all our babies, only recently weaning our youngest.

 

So I got thinking one night, in the shower.  I do most of my thinking in the shower and they are great thoughts but all too often my thoughts stay in the shower, going down the drain with the soap and water.  Oh well.  I digress.  Back to my thoughts.  I wondered how much of my married life I’d been pregnant, nursing or both.  So when I got out of the shower, and dried off and dressed :) I made a chart.

 

J

F

M

A

M

J

J

A

S

O

N

D

2001

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

N

N

2002

N

N/P

N/P

N/P

N/P

N/P

N/P

N/P

N/P

N/P

N*2

N*2

2003

N

N

N

N

N

N

N/P

N/P

P

P

P

P

2004

P

P

N/P

P

P

P

2005

P

P

P

P

P

N/P

N

N

N

N

N

N

2006

N

N

N

N

N/P

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

2007

N/P

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

2008

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

N

N

2009

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

P

2010

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

P

N

N

N

N

2011

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

N

 

So, facts from the chart:

• There are 8 months where I was NEITHER pregnant or nursing, meaning that 120 of those months have been spent pregnant or nursing, or both.
• I have been pregnant for 63 months; 48 of those were non-nursing.
• I have been nursing for 73 months; 55 were non-pregnant.
• There are 15 months where I was BOTH pregnant and nursing.
• There are 2 months when I was nursing 2 children.

I’m sure the next question you (my readers, friends and family) are going to have is:

 

ARE YOU DONE YET?

 

The simple answer:

Only God knows.

 

My feelings on the topic:

• I feel like I’m done. 
• I feel like if I was never pregnant again, I’d be okay with that. 
• I am ready to move onto the next stage of life.
• Should we get pregnant again, we would love and care for and raise that child, just as we are these.
• Disclaimer on my feelings: These feelings are not a result of the recent sickness in our home.  I was feeling these specific feelings before all 6 children got sick.  The sickness only encouraged the thoughts that led to the writing of this post. :)
• Second disclaimer on my feelings: These feelings are subject to change at a moments notice. ROFL! However, I waited to write this post until I felt certain that the feelings were not going away.  In the past my feelings on us having more children have been influenced by my dh, and him feeling done, not on my own initiative.  This time is different. :)

 

 

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

My Hubby is “Hooked On A Feeling”

 

I guess I’m hooked on the same feeling as him.

 

Today on Facebook, my hubby sent me this song!  So sweet!  I really miss him on the days he’s on fire watch.  I guess he knows that too; he’s had a lot of fire watch days in the last week or so.

 

 

 

Lyrics from ST LYRICS

 

Ouga Chaka ouga! ....

I can't stop this feeling
Deep inside of me.
Girl, you just don't realize
What you do to me.
When you hold me
In your arms so tight,
You let me know,
Everythings alright, ahahah

I'm hooked on a feeling,
I'm high on believing,
That your in love with me.

Lips as sweet as candy.
Their taste stays on my mind.
Girl, you keep me thirsty for another cup of wine.

I got it bad for you girl,
But I don't need a cure,
I'll just stay addicted, If I can endure
All the good love, when we're all alone
Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on.

I'mmm, I'mmm Hooked on a feeling.
I'm high on believing that your in love with me.
All the good love, when we're all alone
Keep it up girl, yeah you turn me on.

Ahaha I'm hooked on a feeling,
I'm high on believing,
That your in love with me.

I'm hooked on a feeling,
I'm high on believing,
That your in love with me.

I say I'm hooked on a feeling,
And I'm high on believing,
That your in love with me.
I'm hooked on a feeling.

If I had an anonymous blog…

. . . . hey, wait . . . . I do have an anonymous blog.  Well, it is almost anonymous.  I have one person who reads; she keeps me accountable so I don’t go too nutso over there.

I don’t blog there very often any more.  I wanted a place where I didn’t feel the need to censor myself to the same degree as I feel I need to do here at Just Our Thoughts.  If I’m angry at my husband or a friend is driving me mad, I won’t post about that here.  So why do I feel the need to post such things on a blog?  Well, I look at blogging a lot the same as journaling, or Dear Diary.  I vent best with the written / typed word.  Once my venting is over, I can usually continue on with life as normal.

 

But you know what’s cool?  Since starting that anonymous blog I have been learning to vent to a friend with my verbal words or  to the person involved.  I rarely blog at that anonymous address anymore.  I love to see growth in myself.  And this is growth I didn’t see until writing this post.

 

Some might be wondering why I feel the need to censor my own thoughts on my own blog.  After all it is mine to do with as I wish.  Why not let it all out?  Well, the reason is relationships.  My husband holds an important position (in my mind at least) in our community.  I do not want to tarnish his relationships or mine in the community by coming unglued on my blog.  (I know I have some local readers.)  Sometimes there is confidentiality issues that dictates what I can and can’t share.  Sometimes I don’t want to offend or hurt my family (I know my mom reads my blog).  I am learning how to share things discreetly but I find it difficult so often I choose not to blog about a specific situation or topic rather than blab!  I try really hard to stay away from gossip in real life and I want to do the same on my blog.

 

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Ten Years Ago Today

 

Ten years ago today I married a man I hardly knew.

 

We met the summer of 2000.  We started dating late that summer.  I returned to college in Camrose while he working in Prince Albert.  Eight hours of driving separated us.  We were able to visit a couple of times and talked on the phone for HOURS!  When he returned home (to PA) after a weekend visit, we decided that we needed to get married.  There was no point in waiting longer.  (And no, it wasn’t “that kind” of needed, but waiting longer, we knew it would be a greater possibility for a “that kind” of needed wedding.)  We were going to elope.  Our pastor talked us out of it.  We had a small wedding – mostly family – and a few close friends.

 

I wouldn’t change it for the world.  As I have grown to love and know this man, I know him to be caring, loving, fun, deep.  He can fool an acquaintance to think he’s shallow or uncaring, but when you get below the surface those still waters are so very deep.  He wouldn’t want you to know it, but a commercial or TV program can get him crying, unexpectedly.  His pain runs deep.  Just as easily, probably even easier, he can get laughing.  He loves a good comedy!

 

Over the last couple years, my husband has become a better father!  I struggled for a long time with the kind of father he was.  He wasn’t a bad dad, just kinda distant, like he didn’t know how to interact with and react to little ones.  Now, he enjoys his children so much.  He likes taking them with him in his truck, and to the store.  He loves to show them the fire trucks and teach them a new skill, or how to use a tool.  He lets them do the things he is doing, whenever he is able.

 

I think the thing I love the most about this man, is that he helped me to become me.  He taught me how to stand up for myself.  I have gained confidence and social skills.  He encourages my skills and doesn’t coddle me, but he is a comforter to me and helps when I’m feeling down.  He understands that I hate housework and he helps as much as he’s able and so very often goes above and beyond.  When he can’t help, he lives with the mess and tolerates the piles.

 

My hubby has some major quirks that a lot of women could never handle.  Some days I don’t know how I deal with these things, but God has given me the grace and the persistence to do so.  These things are what makes our relationship special and different.

 

Happy anniversary to us!  Ten years and going strong!

 

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Completing Him Challenge – Pray for him.

The challenge this week (taken from the Women Living Well site):

Prayer changes things - do you believe that? Then let's get started! Here's a list of items you can begin to pray through for your husband (taken from Stormie's book):

1. His Wife -that's a good place to start right? lol!

2. His Work

3. His Finances

4. His Sexuality

5. His Affections

6. His Temptations

7. His Mind

8. His Fears

9. His Purpose

10. His Choices

11. His Health

12. His Protection

13. His Trials

14. His Integrity

15. His Reputation

16. His Priorities

17. His Relationships

18. His Fatherhood

19. His Past

20. His Attitude

21. His Marriage

22. His Emotions

23. His Walk

24. His Talk

25. His Repentance

26. His Deliverance

27. His Obedience

28. His Self-Image

29. His Faith

30. His Future

Challenge: Print this list out and pray through this list daily. Also, do not forget to ask your husband each morning for any specific prayer requests he has for the day. I do this regularly and my husband always answers with a detailed situation he is concerned about. It's a blessing to pray for him and watch God work and answer. Our intimacy has grown through this and he always knows he has a prayer warrior in me. If you don't pray daily for him - who will?

I plan to accept this challenge!  I’m not sure what J’s response is going to be to the question, but I’ll give it a shot and I’ll pray through this list.  Off to print it now.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Complete Him Challenge – Until Death Do Us Part

 

I take you, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; this is my solemn vow.

This weeks challenge is simply to Remember.

Remember the day you entered your sacred vows. If you are a blogger, please join us by posting pictures from that day and sharing your story. Then  link up at Women Living Well.

 

Here’s a little about our wedding day:

As I said in my first challenge post, we were married over my Christmas break from college.

I travelled home with my maid of honour on December 19th, just ten days before wedding day.  That trip was the most eventful I’d had travelling back and forth from home to school.  We hit some ice and buried the car.  Thankfully I was able to drive out of the ditch with some help from passersby.  We stopped to visit my MOH’s grandmother in  a hospital that was on the way and picked up the wedding cake at my aunt Gwen’s.  We stayed to visit there for a bit as well to let the car dry out some in the garage.

The heater in that car never worked properly, ever.  And wouldn’t you know it but we ran into a storm after leaving my aunt’s home.  The whole trip from school to home should have taken 6 hours at the most.  I think we took 12.  Once we got there though, I got my engagement ring!  I find it hilarious that the wedding was planned and in place before I even received my ring.  But I’m different like that.  A ring is a symbol and I didn’t need the ring to know he and I were serious about this.  I used to think I was a romantic but I’m not.

The week of Christmas was FULL of shopping and planning and decorating and organizing.  I  remember the day J went to get his brother from the airport.  I wanted to go with him so badly, but Mom wanted to hem my dress right then.  So J went without me; I put the dress on and we decided that the dress didn’t need to be hemmed after all, so I begged to borrow the vehicle and catch him.  I never did.  I finally came to my senses and turned around and returned home.  (Now when I think back, that dress should have been hemmed; I remember tripping on it or kicking it out of my way to walk across the floor.)

Wedding day arrived.  My parents did an amazing job of organizing and planning and “hiring” family and friends to fill in each spot that needed a special person to do the job.  I couldn’t have been more pleased.  A couple other things I remember, an aunt telling me to smile as I was walking down the aisle, my cousin Dale playing and singing “Other Side of Me”.  I remember J waiting for me at the front of the church.  My best friend, who was unable to attend, sent a message and a song that my uncle sang at the reception.  J having to break the icing on the cake with the butt of the knife so we could cut and share our cake!

We spent a couple of nights in hotels (gifts from guests) before leaving for the Bible Camp where J had worked that summer.  We stayed in one of the staff cabins and spent three days, just the two of us.  The rest of our honeymoon was spent settling in to our new home before school started the first week of January.

There have been many times in our marriage where we have come back to our wedding vows and evaluated whether we living those promises in our day to day life.  I think this is important to do, even on a casual basis, to bring us back to reality.  Life gets hard and tempers rise.  Work and kids “get in the way”.  We need to remember the covenant we entered that day in December 2000.

 

I take you, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy ordinance; this is my solemn vow.

 

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Then Sings My Soul – June 19, 2010

I asked my cousin to play and sing this song at my wedding in 2000.  This song is a major part of my memory of that day.

Today our friends, M M and D L, are getting married!  I am so excited!  My hubby is part of the wedding party.  It’s been a busy few days.  I wish them all the happiness I can imagine.  I pray that God blesses their marriage beyond their wildest imaginings!


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Women Teaching Men?

I shared this article - The Woman Teacher -  on Facebook last night.  I created quite a stir in some individuals and a great discussion ensued.  I love food for thought.  And usually,though not always, I love to be caused to think about things a little deeper than just on the surface.

I posted the few paragraphs below as a response on Facebook (modified to make more sense, without the context), but thought I would share them here as well.

A few thoughts.

I too have a higher degree than my husband, but I respect his authority as the head of our home.

Our society does not "dictate a woman's role to be submissive and play the back up role to the mighty man for the household".  To me, the Bible is very clear that the MAN is the HEAD of the HOME just as CHRIST is the HEAD of the CHURCH.

I am not LESS because I CHOOSE not to teach men or work outside the home.  I HAVE a HUGE responsibility that I take very seriously.  My job is to HELP my husband be the BEST that he can possibly be.  My job is to be his MATE and his PARTNER in the trouble of life that we face as a TEAM.  My part in that TEAM is to be his safe place to fall.  My part in that TEAM is to raise our family.  My part in that TEAM may include making his meals and cleaning his clothes.  My part in that TEAM is to encourage him and love him and prepare him to go back out there and face the world.

His job is not easy; he provides well for our large and growing family.  The LEAST I can do is create an atmosphere of peace in our home.

That is my JOB and it does not make me less of a person, but MORE of a WOMAN.

I believe, and will stand by what I believe, that WOMEN should not be teaching in the church (specifically) and should apply that principle to her life in every area.  That is not to say that I can not enter into discussions.  I may have something that one of those men need to hear.  However, my tone and my manner need to be respectful of, first and foremost, my husband and his position in the community and the church and secondly, respectful of his (and that of the other men) ego.

Yes, I said ego.  Men have HUGE egos.  I believe it will serve women well to stroke those egos a little more.  To build our men up.  We need to lift them in prayer and in our words and actions.  We need to encourage them to take roles in our churches.  We need to step back and allow them to lead, allow them to be in the positions GOD wants them.

Lifting men up and supporting them ("Behind every great man. . . .") makes them love us more!  I want to be loved and cherished and if I have to stroke my husbands ego, what does that really "put me out"?  A little time?  Maybe.  A little energy?  Probably.

But the rewards for me ARE AMAZING.  The response I receive in return for that little time and that little energy carry me through to the next day and beyond.  Not only are the rewards for me directly but for my children and our community.

Now, I said I was  going to agree to disagree, but this is something that I really feel strongly about as you can probably tell.  And I can't and won't keep silent.

I pray that my message gets through to someone, because my message isn't MINE.  I believe it is one that has been TOO long in coming, TOO long kept silent.

I would like to add, that this is not teaching coming from my parents.  This is research and trial and error and trying again and reading and learning that I have done on my own.  Whether my parents agree or disagree, I will leave that for them to say or not say.

And this is not pushed on me by my opinionated and strong-willed husband.  We have been learning and growing through this process together.  We have tried me working.  We have tried me "leading".  When I saw all these things not working, I went searching in God's Word and through His servants to find the answers I was looking for.

 Some other questions came up too.  Here is my response:

Just my brief and quick response, gut feeling, opinion. 

Yes, the passage is specific to church and to men.  I think there is a difference between men and boys in that as mothers we need to be instructing and teaching them.  I think that men should be teaching in every setting.  Strictly my opinion though.  Women should be at home, raising those boys to be men, REAL men. 

In a group Bible study setting, I think it’s a little different.  It’s a discussion.  I say contribute to the conversation, with your husband’s approval, of course.  I personally tend to sit back and listen, but that’s also my personality.

  

The other day in church a friend (female) got up to share something God had laid on her heart.  She did this, not only with the support of her husband but with the support of our pastor.  She was not “preaching” or “teaching” although what she said had those qualities as well.  This message that she shared was one of repentance and asking for forgiveness.  I would say that this was totally acceptable.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Accepting Others

One of Dr. Laura's listeners sent this letter:

Spots And Stripes

I wrote this with Dr. Laura in mind because I heard her once say something about marrying an Elephant and getting mad because he couldn't sit in your lap.

SPOTS AND STRIPES
By Patti Woosley

When you marry a Tiger
You gotta love stripes
Cause it's his stripes you will see
when you climb into bed very night
No, you won't ever change 'em
no matter how hard you try
and your Tiger will have stripes
till the day that he dies

But if you married a Leopard
He will always have spots
So you had just better learn
to love what you've got
Cause you won't ever change 'em
no matter how hard you try
and your Leopard will stay spotted
Why would you ask why?

If you fantasize a soft kitten
curling up in your lap
the Porcupine you married
Will never do that
But if you try to change him
you surely will cry
So love your little Porcupine
and kiss the fantasy goodbye

Stop always wanting
What he ain't got
and stop trying to change him
into something he's not
Just be sure that you love him
the way that he tis
Tiger, Leopard, or Porcupine
He is, what he is.



J and I had a conversation along this line when he was home last.

I am not very domestic. I hate cleaning my house in the worst way and do only what I have to. I find very very little joy in it. He hates to come home to a messy house. And so we fight. After one such fight (the last time he was home) he said that he needed to just decide to love me for who I was and not try to force me to change.

For me, I guess my issues with him are his sleeping habits and and the outside fun he gets to do alone (and by fun I mean anything from fire practice to going to the shop to work on his car). I need to accept that he needs (or wants) those things and love him for who he is.

We have tried to change his sleeping patterns to fit with the "real" world and it doesn't work. He really has to try HARD to get to bed before midnight. I, on the other hand, prefer to be in bed between 9 and 10. We are working on allowing that need to be filled. It's hard for me because I like to be with him, so I choose to stay up. I'm recognizing my NEED to get more sleep.

We are trying to find the balance in both situations that works for our family. In the first, what's the "bare minimum" (above what I already do) that he would like done to feel like he's not coming home to a disaster? And in the second, can we be okay with me going to bed earlier and him later and STILL connect in the evening after the children go to bed?

Accepting each other for who we are is a huge thing. Not just in marriages but in friendships too.



Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Happy Anniversary to Us!

Today is the 9th anniversary of the day of my wedding. I have been so blessed in these last years to have such a mate.

Nine years ago today I married this man. I am still married to him and I still love him. God has given us 7 beautiful children - 5 here, one He took back to heaven and one being knit together.

The last nine years have been full years. I pray for many many full years ahead; I pray for years filled more with joy than with sorrow. I pray that we continue to make each other better people - as stone sharpens stone. I pray that we continue to be the best of friends.

I pray that we raise our children in the Lord. I pray to be the help meet he needs me to be. I pray that although I fail, he will love me still! I pray that I will continue to love him too, despite or in spite of his faults.

Til Death Do Us Part!

I love you, Babe!

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Date Night - A Slippery Night In

I have recently added to my "blogs I follow" list a blog about marriage called Adding Zest To Your Nest. Our date night this week stems from this post from that blog called Slip N Slide. Go read the post and you'll get the idea. This week's date didn't cost me anything because we had all the supplies needed in the house. I put the kids to bed early and told my DH as he left for a meeting that he needed to not be out all night and to not bring anyone home with him. My guy got a well-deserved surprise when he got home.

Join Christi's meme over at My Chick Flick with your date night story or ideas. Just click on the button.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Don't forget to check out the great giveaways at Simply Sensational Divas Review.

Date Night - Quiet Nights At Home

I was so excited to see that Christi's theme was Quiet Nights for Date Night this week, because our dates were spent at home, either while the kids were outside playing or when they were already in bed.

There were a couple of nights when J's activities (fire department stuff or helping a friend) required him to be away just as I was serving supper. So I decided that I would serve the children, get the meal cleaned up and get the kids to bed. When J got home, I got away from the computer, and sat with him while he ate. We talked and just enjoyed spending time together in a quiet house.

Then yesterday, the children (except Baby R) went to one of the back alley neighbor's homes to jump on their trampoline. We sat and had coffee and chips and dip together while chatting about the week and what this weekend held for us. It was so nice just to spend time with him uninterrupted, in my own home. It was cheap and comfortable.


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Don't forget to check out the great giveaways at Simply Sensational Divas Review.

Books and Coffee

I love books and I love coffee; I even love books and coffee together. Here's what I've been reading:

I finished If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny. I am still working through Who's the Blonde with dh. And I started two new ones: Healthy Child Whole Child and Inside My Heart. I am loving them both. Healthy Child Whole Child is my kind of doctoring; I can't wait to get into it more. Inside My Heart is on my mp3 player and I've listened to Chapter 1 and 2 twice because I needed the message badly.



My husband (and I've bragged about this before) is learning and growing and becoming the man God wants him to be. I want to take back what I've said. Okay, no, not really! I just realized that when he learns and grows and develops and becomes more like Christ, that my dh and my God both require me to learn and grow and develop too!!! And it's hard work! I've come to realize that I'm not who I should be nor do I really want to be who I am. I want to be better. I am not more spiritual than J is, I'm just at a different point, working on different things. And yet our learning and growing is working together to make us a better relationship with each other and with God and with our community. I am actually very excited about these changes and growth in both of us. But it is hard work.



Robin McGraw in her book, Inside My Heart, talks about making choices and to live with purpose and passion. I once felt like that; I lost it and had started to give control to whomever else. I was not consciously making decisions for the best of me and my family and what God would want for us. I was just floating down the river, so to speak. I don't want to do that. I want to live with purpose and passion. Robin McGraw talks about how she always wanted to be a wife and mother; that is me too, I never really dreamed of being anything else. I only took the post-secondary education I did take because I hadn't got married yet. I am re-finding my passion and my purpose; I am going to start again to do my best at my chosen profession. I am going to be J's helper, J's wife.

I was reading some blogs this week and every other one it seemed spoke on the topics J and I have been discussing (and sometimes fighting about) the last couple of weeks. Over and over again, I read things I believed to be true, things I want to put back into practice, things I've known all along that I needed to do. I want to be the best housekeeper I can; I want to be the best wife and the best mother. I want to keep learning and growing and doing better.

Join us for coffee at Home Sanctuary.


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Thinking on Scripture: First Timothy 3:1-7

Note: I wrote this Friday and modified it a bit as I typed it.

I started out this afternoon searching for answers in God's Word. I didn't know where to even start looking but ended up in First Timothy chapter three, the section focusing on the elders / overseers.

One of Jason's comments this morning while we were fighting (yes, again) was that I was holding us back from what God wanted us to do and be. Later he called to say he felt like we (our marriage) was being attacked. (Marriages in our circle of friends and neighbors are all falling apart and being attacked; it is so sad.) I agree with him on both points, but it's not easy to say that. It means I'm wrong and I hate to be wrong - in word or deed. That being said, there are things that my husband is working on too.

In reading First Timothy 3:1-7, I found things that Jason needs to work on to be such a person in our church. (I don't know if that is what God has in store for us or not, I'm just thinking out loud. If an overseer needs to have such values and things in his life, why can't those extend to any Christian person; they are all good and right things.) I also found things Jason does really well. However, verse four jumped out at me:

One who manages will his own house,
having his children in subjection with all gravity.

Jason and I are supposed to be a team. he's doing as well as he can; he's learning and growing and developing into a more Christ-like individual, husband and father. He is becoming a man after God's own heart. He is trying to manage his house well. I am not. I am holding us both back. I am defeating him at almost every turn. I don't know why. It's like Paul says in Romans 7:

For I do not do the good which I will; but the evil which I do not will, this I practice. But if what I do not will, this I do, it is no longer I that work it out but sin that dwells in me. I find then the law with me who wills to do the good, that is, the evil is present with me. For I delight in the law of God according to the inner man, But I see a different law in my members, warring against the law of my mind and making me a captive to the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from the body of this death?

I'm done with holding us back. If God wants my husband to be a leader in His body of believers or elsewhere in the community, then I want to help him in anyway that I can. If that is as simple as managing our home and children, I can do that. I already possess the skills. I can do what needs to be done - train our children to be "in subjection" and to educate them with the skills that they need to add to society; I can have our home, create our home, to be a welcoming place without clutter and mess everywhere. Right now, our home isn't such a place.

If I want my man to be the man God wants him to be, then I need to be the wife and mother that God is calling me to be. Does J's success depend on me? Can he be that man without me? Maybe. Probably. But as his help meet, created to help him and be his partner, I bet he can get there faster, if I do my job.

Just my thoughts.


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

The Bible version used in this post is the Recovery Version.

Date Night

My friend, Christi, at My Chick Flick has started a meme about date nights. I am so excited to participate.

So, after a rough couple of days (we'd been arguing and both just "off") we actually got some time to talk, to really have a conversation and get to the seat of the feelings and emotions that were going on. We are together all the time, or at least have been for a few months now. And then all of a sudden he's got a part time job (a few days in a row, short term) and the fire fighters need / want him to hang out with them. And I'm "stuck" at home with the five children every evening by myself. (Yes, I had them; yes, I love my job, but . . . ) So, it's Thursday afternoon and we've spent the day together and actually had conversation, getting to the heart of the matter.

Spontaneously, he says, "hire a sitter, we're going out for supper". So we called the pair of sisters that will often babysit (or provide child care, as CJ would prefer me to say) for us and they were able to come. We hopped in the shower, got dressed up nice and went down to the local diner. Nothing fancy. We just enjoyed eating in the quiet; we were the only ones in the restaurant and there were no children spilling pop or dropping silverware or . . . well, you know. We had a quiet conversation and just enjoyed each others' company.

Until the pager went off. "Attention District xx, just a reminder that we have a general meeting tonight at 1900 hours. All members available, please attend!" BLLAHHH! Well, we were almost done, so we finished - not in a rushed manner but not as relaxed as we had been. We were gone just around an hour. He changed into his station wear and left again for the meeting a little late. The sitters decided to stay for a few minutes to help me get bedtime under way and then they walked home.

It's amazing what a little time away, with the man I love, can do for my mommy skills and state of mind.

Plan a date night. And do it!

It doesn't have to cost much, or anything. (We ended up having an emergency budget meeting afterwards; not that it cost a lot, but it wasn't in the initial budget for July.)

If you need ideas, see what you can find online, at MyChickFlick, or come back there each week for new ideas. And then post about it on your blog, or in Christi's comments to give others ideas too.


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

A Daily Struggle (for a time)

I have a struggle right now. J and I have been fighting a little more than usual; of course there are two sides to the story. He's a fault and so am I. I need to deal with my side of the issue. I'm jealous. I'm jealous of his station in life, his job.

His position allows him the freedom to come and go, to spend the evening with friends unhindered by children, to be out into the wee hours of the morning. In the last week or so this has happened a lot! The week before, it didn't happen at all. But in my selfishness I see only the number of times he's been out this week. I feel alone and abandoned. I feel as if he gets to have all the fun.

He's not working right now and I think that compounds it. And yet, it should make it matter less. It's not as if he is gone working away from home all day and then going out all night too, every night. It's not like I don't get to see him. I get to see a lot of him and spend lots of time working together on the yard and house. Do I see this? No. I just see all the fun he gets to have without me.

The activities he's going to, are not exclusive activities either. He's meeting with others at backyard campfires, spouses and children welcome. So, why don't I take the kids and just get over it? Well, partly because we are finding out after the children are headed to bed. Partly because I don't wanna haul five kids out for a campfire every night of the week. Partly because my job continues whether we are in the house or out. And it is easier to parent at home than when we are out.

My arguments don't hold up, even under my own scrutiny. J is not going to activities that are exclusive. The things I want to go to ALONE are for women only. J and I have never actively attended things that are exclusive like that. We are big on activities that are for families or at very least, for couples.

BUT IT'S NOT FAIR! I want to go out alone too!!! I want to I want to I want to. And yet, do I? Really?? I don't. I want J along. I want to have fun with him. The kids, sometimes it's nice to take them along, but I'm okay leaving them with a sitter too. In fact, sometimes I need to leave them behind, to get renewed and refreshed.

BUT IT'S NOT FAIR! I have to sit at home all alone with a crying baby and a fussy toddler. He doesn't have to do that. But that's one of the crappy parts of being a mom too. And that's right; that's what I signed up for. And you know what, when those to little ones fall asleep, and J's still out, I very much enjoy blogging or surfing uninterrupted. When he's out, I don't have to feel like I'm stealing time from him to do "my thing" online.

J and I deal with this issue every once in a while. For a while it was all the time; I hated that he got to go out whenever he wanted. I hated that he got to go out to work and I was stuck at home. Now, I really do like to stay home. Most of the time. Now it's more like once or twice a year that this attitude, this jealousy rears it's ugly head. And it is ugly. It is mean and unacceptable.

The other side; J's responsibility. Was I being "neglected", forgot in the day to day, left out of his fun? He admits that he was not being as attentive as he could or should. And as you'll see next week (in my Date Night post) he is working on that. He's paying attention to my needs and my wants. He even made supper tonight and hung a load or two of laundry today.

J and I have a lot of give and take in our relationship. I really have nothing to complain about, nothing to be jealous of. J is a good man, a man who is learning and developing and growing to be the husband and father that God wants him to be.

What I'm learning is that communication with him is key to understanding him and developing our relationship to be deeper and better than it is now. If I communicate respectfully my needs, wants, desires he is open and receptive to those. And it goes the other way too; we are learning that together.

And so, right now, I am having a daily struggle with jealousy and not liking my job as much as I sometimes do.



Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

A New Meme Starting At My Chick Flick

Next week, my friend Christi is starting her new meme called Date Night. Go check out the rules and get thinking about your post or comment!


Striving to learn and live God's purposes,