Seven Years Ago Today

 

Over the course of a mother’s career, she experiences intense emotions on a regular basis.  Elation.  Happiness.  Joy.  Sadness.  Devastation.  Anger.  Rage.  Fear.  Horrification.  There are bumps and bruises.  Successes and accomplishments.  Firsts and seconds.  A world of fun and energy; sorrow and sickness.

 

Today I will share a little of the hurt that I have experienced.

 

After 24 hours of labor, I gave birth to our third child, a boy, in the presence of my husband, our midwife, our two girls and my aunt.  My first born son was born with no pulse and was not breathing.  The date was March 14, 2004, in the morning.

 

I remember snippets of that night and the morning.  I remember Jason doing CPR.  I remember ambulance attendance and the 911 call.  I remember the car breaking down on the way to the hospital.  I remember a kind stranger picking us up and taking us to the local ER were doctors were working on my baby son to keep him alive.  I remember naming him from behind a curtain because they kept calling him something stupid, like Baby Harris.  He needed a name.

 

I remember snippets of the next 10 days at the children’s hospital in the NICU.  Pumping and freezing my milk in hopes that one day he’d be well enough to eat it.  Eating in the cafeteria.  The nurse who was rude and the ones who let us hold him, even when Jason fell asleep rocking him in the chair.  I remember awkward silences when other came to visit.  I remember the room where the doctor told us (and we finally “got it”) that our son was not getting better, wouldn’t get better, that we needed to take him off the life support.

 

I remember knowing that we made good decisions, right decisions.

 

Was it only 7 years ago?  Has it been 7 years already?

 

Seven years ago today, I met my first born son, for the first time.

 

On March 24, 2004, we took our little man off life support and took him home to spend his last hours with his sisters.  On March 26, he took his  last breath, some time in the early morning hours.  And a new chapter of our lives began.  A chapter we never wanted to live.  Yet, here we are!

 

I know that grief will always be a part of my life, but I know that I am starting a new chapter.  My grief is so less intense.  I know I will still have days where the loss will hit me.  I know that I will still have moments when my sadness will overwhelm.  But this March, this time of year, this year has been the easiest yet!

 

Praise the Lord!

 

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

We’re Just Different. It’s Okay. Number 1.

My family tends to (naturally) run at a "late" schedule in comparison to the rest of the world.  We go to bed late - kids in bed by 8:30 but not asleep until at least an hour later, and J and I at midnight or later. And we wake later - 8 or 9 and then we start our day. 

 

We don’t eat breakfast at breakfast time.  It’s usually closer to 10 or 11 AM before we are eating our cereal.  So that means lunch is around 2 or later.  And supper is at “bedtime” around 7 or 8 PM.  So that means bedtime is shifted too.  See?  I am just going to have to learn to be okay with it.  (That sentence was hard to type.  I hope it wasn’t too hard to follow.)

 

Now we have been living like this for a while.  And I am just now getting my mind wrapped around it.  Like 8 years.  So silly.

 

I am giving myself permission to live this way.  There is nothing wrong with living this way.  I homeschool our children so we don’t have to conform to an earlier bedtime, etc because we can “do” school whenever we want.  My husband’s job is WEIRD in comparison to a lot of jobs out there.  He is often leaving for work at weird hours of the day – 4 (AM or PM), 7 (AM or PM) – and getting home at 11 (usually PM) or 3 in the afternoon.  So when a lot of moms would be getting up at 7 or earlier to get kids off to school, I don’t have to.  I can get up later and let my children get up later (and stay up later) than a lot of other families can.

 

When I think about it, I really like this.  There is freedom in realizing who you and your family really are.  And accepting who you are.

 

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

I wanna change the world

The following post is inspired by the song “Today I’m Gonna Try and Change the World” by Johnny Reid.  The Youtube video and the lyrics are at the end.

 

I have a big job.  I am a wife and a mother of 6 little blessings.

 

Today I’m gonna try and change the world; gonna take it one day at a time.

 

I don’t have  much choice.  I have to take it one day at a time.  If I try to look very far in the future I am so very overwhelmed and I start to stumble and fall.  My world turns into a nasty place when I start to worry about tomorrow.  This doesn’t mean that I don’t plan for the future.  I have to plan for the future too.  Plan for the future while trusting that God is in control.  It is a hard balance.

 

I’m gonna say hello to my neighbor; greet him with a smile.

 

I’m blessed with good neighbors and a wonderful community.  Those that I know, I consider my neighbors.  I try to always smile.  A smile can lift someone’s day and change their world and that would be a good thing.

 

Shake the hand of a stranger; sit and talk for a while.

 

Our world is in such a hurry these days.  We are always rushing here and rushing there.  Hurry.  Hurry. Hurry.  I want to live a slower pace.  I don’t want my children wrapped up in the “rat race” we live in.  When I stop by someone’s home to drop something off or pick up an item, I try to stay for a while.  When Grandma Irene stops by, as she’s known to do from time to time, I’m not so quick to hand out a project.  Sometimes we need to just sit and visit.  The two of us have trouble just sitting; we like to keep busy, too busy.  Once church is over, I don’t rush my family out the door.  Although I am often tired, I choose to allow my family to visit with our friends.  I need this as much as they do.  Someone may need a listening ear; or I might.  If we rush away we never see this.

 

Tell someone I love them, from the bottom of my heart.

 

I do this all the time.  I have six little people that I adore and I try to tell them daily that I love them.  I try to show them daily by my actions that I love them from the bottom of my heart.  I don’t always succeed; I am human.  I have a handsome man whom I love more than I even know.  I tell him multiply times a day.  I try to show him how much I appreciate him.

 

Gonna make sure my children know there’s a right and wrong.

 

This is the line that got me thinking and writing this evening.  The world is too full of individuals that don’t know or don’t care that there is right and wrong.  I do not want my children part of those ranks.  I will continue to do my best to teach my children right from wrong.  This school year we have started off learning and memorizing a lot of scripture.  I want to continue this indefinitely; it is as good for me as it is for them!

 

I’ll never turn my back on those of us who need someone.

 

This one is tough.  Sometimes this is a judgment call.  I know in lots of cases I am more help to someone if I stand back and let them fail.  This could appear to be turning my back on them.  At other times, I’m not the one meant to help that individual; there is another better suited for that job.

 

I’m gonna try to see myself through another’s eyes.

 

I’m not sure how to respond to this statement.  Not even sure what I think.  How do others view me?  I think many view me better than I view myself.   Some (many, even) think I’m weird, I’m sure.  Once in a while, I think about how my kids see me.  Do they even like me?  Do I scare them when I am too often angry?  Do they think I am fun?  Seeing ourselves through others’ eyes can really be a good thing.  For me it often causes me to correct wrong behavior.  For example, I think of those reality type shows (thinking specifically of that nanny one, or even Dr. Phil, any one where the cameras come into your personal household space).  If my life were reality TV, what would people see and think?  How would they see me?  If the cameras were running, how would I change my behavior?

 

I do want to change the world.  I do want to make this world a better place for those I leave behind.  I think I am making a difference, even if it is small, by raising healthy, happy, respectful, Christ-following and fun-loving children.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

 

 

 

 

TODAY I'M GONNA TRY AND CHANGE THE WORLD
GONNA TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME
I'VE MADE MY RESOLUTION
I'VE OPENED UP MY EYES
TODAY I'M GONNA TRY AND CHANGE THE WORLD

I'M GONNA SAY HELLO TO MY NEIGHBOR
GREET HIM WITH A SMILE
SHAKE THE HAND OF A STRANGER
SIT AND TALK FOR A WHILE
TELL SOMEONE I LOVE THEM
FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART
TODAY I'M GONNA TRY AND CHANGE THE WORLD

(REPEAT CHORUS)

GONNA MAKE SURE MY CHILDREN
KNOW THERES A RIGHT AND WRONG
I'LL NEVER TURN MY BACK
ON THOSE OF US WHO NEED SOMEONE
I'M GONNA TRY TO SEE MYSELF
THROUGH ANOTHERS EYES
TODAY IM GONNA TRY AND CHANGE THE WORLD

(REPEAT CHORUS)

TODAY I'M GONNA TRY AND CHANGE THE WORLD
TODAY I'M GONNA TRY AND CHANGE THE WORLD
NOT FOR ME, BUT FOR THOSE I'LL LEAVE BEHIND
I'VE MADE MY RESOLUTION
CHANGE IT ONE DAY AT TIME
TODAY I'M GONNA TRY AND CHANGE THE WORLD

Sharing Some Great Posts

Okay, while I’ve been spending a lot of time in my chair and on the couch, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs.  Here are some gems I’ve found in the past couple of weeks.

If You Don’t Ask, The Answer is Always No

Join the Maximize Your Mornings Challenge – it has already started, but it’s not too late to jump in!  Here’s another link to the Maximize Your Mornings Challenge – Consider This Your Wake Up Call.

Why Moms Need Mission Statements

A Dirty Little Secret – One day I will have this dirty little secret too!

Limit Peer Time

I am keeping this next one for a great reference.  I actually need to print out this list and put it in my homeschool planning file.  Homeschool Supplies List.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

 

Keeping Our Children In Church

A friend of mine wrote on her blog - Compartmentalizing Religion -  about keeping our children in church and training and teaching them at a very young age to be “on fire” for God. I asked her if I could re-post most of her thoughts here.  I will save my comments for another post.  Here’s what she had to say:

The Last Unreached People Group
A lot of people talk about "unreached people groups" - by which they mean groups of people (usually nations or ethnicities) to whom Jesus is a foreign concept, the Bible is unknown and unavailable in their language, and where there are no churches.

We send missionaries there to learn the language, bring valuable practical skills such as agricultural training or computer training, or basic sanitation practices, food programs, schools for the children who are currently being forced to work to support their family.

None of these things are bad.  In fact, they are laudable, and beautiful expressions of who Jesus is -

JEHOVAH-ROHI

Psalm 23:1

The Lord my shepherd

JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH

Ezekiel 48:35

The Lord who is present

JEHOVAH-RAPHA

Exodus 15:26

The Lord our healer

JEHOVAH-JIREH

Genesis 22:13-14

The Lord will provide

JEHOVAH-SHALOM

Judges 6:24

The Lord is peace

EL ROI

Genesis 16:13

The strong one who sees

Through their acts, they gain the right to speak into their new friend's lives, telling them about the reasons for their life choices...

JEHOVAH—YAHWEH

Genesis 2:4

God's divine salvation

JEHOVAH-TSIDKENU

Jeremiah 23:6

The Lord our righteousness

JEHOVAH-MACCADDESHEM

Exodus 31:1

The Lord thy sanctified

 

 

But there is one people group that is consistently of no concern to most churches and leaders (with the hugely notable exception of David Walters, who proclaims the obvious but ignored truth that children don't have "a jr. Holy Spirit".. The children of the western world are coddled, babysat, fed pablum, and told to come back to church when they are 18 and can do great things for God. Why can't they be on fire for God before then?  Why can they not share their faith, lead in worship, pray for the sick, be a real part of the church body instead of something we hide away in musty back rooms while adults get down to the "adult business" of having church? Why?  

 

When we see people like Zach Taylor writing books as a teenager, speaking about Generation Change, and speaking out against slavery, which is happening more now than ever before in human history? Why?  When Alex and Brett Harris are writing books challenging "low expectations" among the youth themselves and encouraging them to "Do Hard Things?" Why?  When beautiful siblings, the Malleys, write books full of encouragement to their peers to love their brothers and sisters and see it as not only part of their spiritual worship, but part of the spiritual disciplines we are called to as brothers and sisters in Christ? 

 

I'll tell you why, but you may not want to hear it. Truth is, we hate children.  That sounds extreme, doesn't it? Even if children do want to be involved in the Body, we don't know how to involve them because we are so very heavily invested in the surrounding culture that sees children as barely human until they reach 18, 21, 25, 30 - the bar gets higher and higher for adulthood and responsibility, and although it may be out of a sense of misplaced love that mutilates and arrests development, it's also part of a culture that thinks killing babies is all right. 

 

And churches are not different from the rest of the world. If you want to argue with me, go look at the stats first.   Roman Catholics are a tiny bit less likely to get an abortion, but all other denominations have *no difference* in abortion rates from those who claim no religious affiliation. What kind of schizophrenia would it require for us, as churches to embrace children from the earliest ages, holding them in our arms during prayer time, helping them sing along when they are too young to read the words for themselves, teaching them to memorize God's Word from  the time they say their first words...  

 

Okay, I'll admit.  I have an axe to grind.  Or is it seven arrows to sharpen for flight, to be like the sword of the Spirit?  

Hebrews 4:12
For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

I want my children to learn discernment.  I want them to learn to hear God's voice.  I am teaching them at home to the best of my abilities, but the church as a whole is not helping.

In fact, it is a huge hindrance to what I'm trying to do with my children. I want to teach them to sacrifice, the church wants to put on parties.  I want them to learn to pray, the church brings candies and dangles them in front of the children. Parties are not bad, and I'm not even that strict about sweets.  But can children learn to enjoy the presence of God when they are constantly distracted?

  

We have the same Holy Spirit.  We need to share Him with our children, too...  And the work of the Spirit in our lives as well as theirs begins with holiness and passion for His will.

Clean hands, a pure heart.

Some interesting thoughts, no?  I thought so.  But like I said, I’ll save my thoughts for another day.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Camping – what I learned.

This long weekend just passed we went camping with our church family.  My dh and I both grew up in camping families.  We have many fun memories from our childhoods surrounding yearly camping trips.  I have wanted to capture some of those memories for our own children.  Since we got married in 2000, we have gone on only a couple of camping trips – the first year we were married J and I went for about a week and then a couple summers ago we went with my best friend and her family for one night.

 

Okay, on to what this trip has taught me.

The very first camping trip (after not going for years and years and years) is expensive.  There are things you need to and want to purchase to make the trip enjoyable.  Some of the things we purchased we could have done without this time (and every time, probably).  Other things, like food, we really needed.

Packing for 7 can be a lot of work!  My three oldest children packed their own clothing, with instructions on how much of each item to pack.  So that cut my work load down a bit.  I had to pack clothing for myself and the little two.  When W started to pack his own bag, he filled it with Duplo Blocs; that kinda tells me he’s not quite ready to pack his on his own, even with instructions.

Who says you need a tent or a camper?  hee hee.  We slept in our vehicles.  The children slept in the bus and J and I planned to sleep in the Charger.  However, the air mattress we purchased was about a foot too long for the back of the truck.  We had a tarp and planned to sleep under that, as we did not have a tent.  However, another family had brought a couple of tents – one for them and one for their teen daughter.  The daughter graciously gave up her tent for us.  We will need to purchase a tent!

We went for three days to a group campsite, so the cost was minimal that way.  The church accepted donations to help pay for the site.

I learned that I pack too much food and not enough clothing or blankets.  We talked about staying an extra night.  We would have been okay for food; in fact we will be eating the leftovers from our camping trip for the next few days.  I did not take into account bedwetting, falling in the river more than once, very cool evenings.

One thing that I took that I was so very glad we packed were the walkie-talkies.  With these in hand, the children were able to go to the park at the other end of the campground and still have contact with us.  I like to give our children this freedom and responsibility.  I think this teaches them a lot.  I was so surprised with how responsible, and obedient they were when they were called back to camp.  I was very pleased.  Of course we had the rule that they had to go in pairs at least, never alone.

Camping with a group (or another family) will be very different than if we were camping alone.  With a group, if there is something you’ve forgotten (a pot, a cutting board, a flipper for pancakes) someone will probably have that item.  When you are on your own, you will have to make due.

Bring toilet paper!  I am so glad that we remembered.  Even though the campground did provide the outhouses with toilet paper, the supply was not consistent!  There could have been times when we would have been without had we not carried our own in our vehicles.

I think we will plan to set up the camp a little differently next time.  Our tent was set up close to the road.  We had a drunk driver come through the group camping area (not one of our members) in the middle of the night; things were a little scary for a while.  I was concerned that this driver could have driven over our tent or another close to us.  I would rather have our vehicles closest to the road for protection.

Unpacking s.u.c.k.s!  We have been home for 24 hours now and have only unpacked the basics – food and the needed clothing and bedding.  Sigh.  It’s a rainy day today, so I’m sure that is not helping.  Really though, I can’t wait to get things re-organized so we can go again.  I think better organization will be key to having more fun and more spontaneity.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Women Teaching Men?

I shared this article - The Woman Teacher -  on Facebook last night.  I created quite a stir in some individuals and a great discussion ensued.  I love food for thought.  And usually,though not always, I love to be caused to think about things a little deeper than just on the surface.

I posted the few paragraphs below as a response on Facebook (modified to make more sense, without the context), but thought I would share them here as well.

A few thoughts.

I too have a higher degree than my husband, but I respect his authority as the head of our home.

Our society does not "dictate a woman's role to be submissive and play the back up role to the mighty man for the household".  To me, the Bible is very clear that the MAN is the HEAD of the HOME just as CHRIST is the HEAD of the CHURCH.

I am not LESS because I CHOOSE not to teach men or work outside the home.  I HAVE a HUGE responsibility that I take very seriously.  My job is to HELP my husband be the BEST that he can possibly be.  My job is to be his MATE and his PARTNER in the trouble of life that we face as a TEAM.  My part in that TEAM is to be his safe place to fall.  My part in that TEAM is to raise our family.  My part in that TEAM may include making his meals and cleaning his clothes.  My part in that TEAM is to encourage him and love him and prepare him to go back out there and face the world.

His job is not easy; he provides well for our large and growing family.  The LEAST I can do is create an atmosphere of peace in our home.

That is my JOB and it does not make me less of a person, but MORE of a WOMAN.

I believe, and will stand by what I believe, that WOMEN should not be teaching in the church (specifically) and should apply that principle to her life in every area.  That is not to say that I can not enter into discussions.  I may have something that one of those men need to hear.  However, my tone and my manner need to be respectful of, first and foremost, my husband and his position in the community and the church and secondly, respectful of his (and that of the other men) ego.

Yes, I said ego.  Men have HUGE egos.  I believe it will serve women well to stroke those egos a little more.  To build our men up.  We need to lift them in prayer and in our words and actions.  We need to encourage them to take roles in our churches.  We need to step back and allow them to lead, allow them to be in the positions GOD wants them.

Lifting men up and supporting them ("Behind every great man. . . .") makes them love us more!  I want to be loved and cherished and if I have to stroke my husbands ego, what does that really "put me out"?  A little time?  Maybe.  A little energy?  Probably.

But the rewards for me ARE AMAZING.  The response I receive in return for that little time and that little energy carry me through to the next day and beyond.  Not only are the rewards for me directly but for my children and our community.

Now, I said I was  going to agree to disagree, but this is something that I really feel strongly about as you can probably tell.  And I can't and won't keep silent.

I pray that my message gets through to someone, because my message isn't MINE.  I believe it is one that has been TOO long in coming, TOO long kept silent.

I would like to add, that this is not teaching coming from my parents.  This is research and trial and error and trying again and reading and learning that I have done on my own.  Whether my parents agree or disagree, I will leave that for them to say or not say.

And this is not pushed on me by my opinionated and strong-willed husband.  We have been learning and growing through this process together.  We have tried me working.  We have tried me "leading".  When I saw all these things not working, I went searching in God's Word and through His servants to find the answers I was looking for.

 Some other questions came up too.  Here is my response:

Just my brief and quick response, gut feeling, opinion. 

Yes, the passage is specific to church and to men.  I think there is a difference between men and boys in that as mothers we need to be instructing and teaching them.  I think that men should be teaching in every setting.  Strictly my opinion though.  Women should be at home, raising those boys to be men, REAL men. 

In a group Bible study setting, I think it’s a little different.  It’s a discussion.  I say contribute to the conversation, with your husband’s approval, of course.  I personally tend to sit back and listen, but that’s also my personality.

  

The other day in church a friend (female) got up to share something God had laid on her heart.  She did this, not only with the support of her husband but with the support of our pastor.  She was not “preaching” or “teaching” although what she said had those qualities as well.  This message that she shared was one of repentance and asking for forgiveness.  I would say that this was totally acceptable.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,

Trying to be more Free Range

After watching a program on CTV called Lost Adventures of Childhood, I found this blog by one of the mothers featured on the program. Her name is Lenore Skenazy. She allowed her pre-teen to come home alone on the subway. He had no cell phone. She trusted that he would ask for help if he needed it. And you know what? He made it home and was so very proud of himself. He learned some great skills that day.

I am very sad with the state of parenting in today's society. We coddle our children and don't allow them to experience things for themselves. We don't allow them to test themselves and gain confidence. Our fears are fed and provoked by tv shows and the media. Lenore Skenazy writes at Free Range Kids and her latest post is about how CSI has affected our parenting. The following is the comment I left on her blog (modified for here).

CSI group of shows are the favorite shows in this house, but Lenore is right. I think it does feed our fears a little. We have four almost free range children and a baby. The older four are free to be in our yard and the neighbors’. We have no fence, but trees surrounding the yards. I allow our oldest to walk the half block to our library a couple times a week. She is seven and a half. Sometimes she takes one sibling with her.

Just this afternoon we walked to our post office and I practiced allowing them to be a little more free range by allowing them to run just a little further ahead than I normally do. I usually keep the younger two (3.5 and 2) close, but I allowed them to go too. We were all fine.

Also, I considered, when we stopped at the post office to allow the four to play at a nearby park (ages 7, 6, 3, 2) while I went inside to grab the mail and some stamps. But I changed my mind. I didn’t know how long I was going to be inside and I didn’t trust that the oldest would keep the youngest off the street. So I called them to come to me. They responded immediately! I was so impressed with them. I then allowed them to play on the grass and ramp outside the building while I went inside. They stayed where they were supposed to or came in when they were done what they were exploring.

I’m learning more and more that people are generally good. My kids are great communicators (even the 2 yo) and I trust that they would ask for help if they needed it. I am slowly opening my free range wings. My husband is too, though he’s a little “behind” me in this.

We had a baby die at 12 days old. We know the pain of the loss of a child. We would never want to experience that again. At the same time, we don’t want to coddle or baby the others. It is a matter of finding balance and knowing our children and what they are capable of. And giving them the tools they need to be safe.

I say these things with some concerns, some struggles. Many of the children in our neighborhood have not been trained or are just acting stupid. They play on the busy street (a highway through our town) without leaving the road when semi-trucks are coming and such things. It scares me! There is no reason for this play because we have parks and playgrounds and skateboarding areas. I don't believe that these children are true free range children, but more so children left to their own devices without proper training and teaching.

Or, that these children are products of a society. We have raised a generation of un-spanked grandmothers and grandfathers. Spoiled rotten adults. They will be adults one day anyway. Who wants that??? Grandmothers are tough enough to deal with. (Presently reading grandmothers are not included in this general statement!) But selfish and spoiled ones will be even worse. Isn't it a grandmothers' job to spoil with loving attention and care their grandchildren? Not the other way around.

But I digress from the topic at hand.

This idea of allowing our children to be free range may seem easy, but by just watching the children in my neighborhood, there is more to it than just allowing our children to run free. We need to help them understand safety and respect. (Respect is severely lacking in society today.) Being a free range parent is not easy. It is like walking the wrong way up the stream. And it takes a lot of work to give our children the skills needed; to work ourselves out of a job by the time they are in their teens.

Striving to learn and live God's purposes,